Lacrimosa
by Cassidy Herrera
Summary: The world continues to die. The ones they have come to love- have come to pass. That was what she had observed. The Shinsengumi could not accept that. When will they do so?


Half of the Shinsengumi went on patrol, splitting into groups as they moved along the rough grounds of Kyoto. A number of them, however, merged this objective with the intention of interrogating passersby regarding Koudou Yukimura's whereabouts. Chizuru was naturally adamant about the prospect of investigating with her friends from Shinsengumi—and, given that she had come this far just to discover of her father's location, she walked briskly from one area to another to question different people.

Those who accompanied with her patiently stopped, continued walking, and simply went along with this repetition up to no end. It was probably due to the conversations shared between Chizuru and the men beside her that it never got so boring at all. Said men included Harada, Shinpachi, and Souji—Yamazaki was also there, and then a few others. Their topics were quite broad, yet they never went into detail for each. But they were not the only companions for this girl.

One of the former Guardians tagged along.

She stayed camouflaged in the background of overlapping conversations that only grew intense with laughter. Not that she attempted to be in that position, but she certainly felt out of it today. Whatever the reason was unknown even to her. It was good enough, then, that her companions didn't notice. Except for one.

"Halinor-san?"

She jumped a little, albeit not without a small gasp.

The aforementioned Halinor turned her head to see a familiar brown-haired young man with a forehead protector and a black mask pulled up to the bridge of his nose, comparable to that of a random assassin. He was approximately about the same height as her, which meant that she was eye-to-eye with him at the moment. On top of that, he looked more concerned than usual.

"… Are you all right?" he inquired; his voice was at the height of prominent urgency then, although still maintaining that composed monotony in his tenor.

Her breath almost got caught in her throat. She smiled nervously. "Ah… yeah! I'm fine, I'm fine," she replied hastily, her hands consequently waving in frantic motions to punctuate her reassurance.

Yamazaki was evidently not convinced, given the mild frown and the scrutinizing look he gave her, but he was not one to force unless when necessary. It was quite a wonder how she was able to trail behind them successfully amongst the throng of crowds with her head lost in the wonderland of Mars.

As he slowly looked away to leave the matter, so did she.

Halinor allowed herself to marvel at the snow that gently dropped in pure white piles on the ground. The beautiful sight of them alone served as a sufficient consolation for someone like her who never appreciated the cold. The chills of the winter breeze shot against her like small blades with tips as blunt as mirror shards.

There was no such thing as winter clothing in here. Thick blankets were the best they could ever procure to withstand the cold.

By then, she was in a bit of a foul mood. She figured being with the Shinsengumi for a walk would remedy her personal predicament, but she hastened to the conclusion that even this didn't help her. In the end, she was rewarded with Yamazaki's concern. It was something to pay very dearly. She didn't like the thought of worrying other people.

"The weather has grown colder than usual recently—and even much more compared to the previous year," Yamazaki suddenly interjected.

His voice was just so out of place in her reverie that she was easily able to snap out of it. It was observed that the Shinsengumi never yawned whenever it came to casual subjects like the weather, so she discovered that there was no other choice but to go along with it. She'd most likely get accustomed to their old-fashioned antics pretty soon.

"Yeah," she said. Halinor looked up at the gray skies. Everything about it was simple, just like the way of living in Kyoto—the ancient Kyoto.

Traditional methods, a clear line between peace and war, a division between plain people and higher-ups—these were what she had observed. There were no hypocrites. Either one is radical, a resident enemy next door, or pretty much lax about everything. Almost everyone she had come to meet was passionate about fighting for the Shogunate. Of course this referred to the Shinsengumi—even the hospitable Chizuru Yukimura girl she had come to grow fond of.

But everything about this era spelled danger compared to all those she had experienced back in the comfort zones of the modern world. Technology and convenience became rampant. Even losing a portable device in school was considered to be a major problem. Being here was quite of a culture shock for her.

A strange question came to mind; surprisingly, only Yamazaki cared to walk beside her all of a sudden, so she had resolved to ask him instead.

"Hey, Yamazaki?" she asked. They locked gazes then.

"… Would you like things to change?"

He paused.

"What do you mean, Halinor-san?"

"You heard about our world. Would you rather not be here?"

That seemed to strike him dumbfounded, up to the extent of halting him from his tracks to think about it. A long pause usually meant uncertainty, but when he gave his answer, there were no traces of doubt.

"There's no other place I'd rather be."

Halinor had figured he'd say it in that way, yet the question still remained unsatisfied. Her rational mind thirsted for an additional response—something that would answer "why".

And so she pestered. "Why?" They continued walking. "This place—it's dangerous," she frankly stated.

Yamazaki nodded sagely. "But that is what makes it quite beautiful." He shook his head and added, "No—not even that alone—in fact, way too beautiful to be left behind; to protect this home of mine, it is something I have come to live for."

Her heart sank. He was the same.

She had asked the rest of the men a similar question before, and their answers were in common with each other, although phrased differently. They love the Shinsengumi and the whole of Kyoto itself. They'd fight for these. In fact, if one of their friends committed betrayal against this so-called home they'd give up their lives for, they'd kill even their comrades just to protect it.

Although they value each other, they are obliged to leave no room for sentiments once the situation calls for practicalities. When their friend has to die for the sake of this world, the rest would attest that it'd be the most suitable solution even if it were against their will.

So, according to them—they valued duty over anything else. That was what she had observed.

"Yamazaki," she continued after a short while. Her eyes flicked to the Shinsengumi who walked casually along with Chizuru. Their smiles were genuine. There was no pain.

Yet she heard they have to prepare for war tonight. It was already dusk.

"… Do you love your friends?"

The way she phrased it was odd—odd enough to be said at a time like this. But Yamazaki was able to take it quite well. Confidently, he answered, "I value them with my life."

Halinor slowed her stride into a stop. This took him by surprise and he had to do the same to check on her.

The blonde gradually parted her lips as if to utter something important, and then closed them—she, instead, raised her arm and placed her hand over her chest; her eyes looked determined—in the end, however, she looked like she has another question in mind.

And she feared for the answer.

"Then, do you value me with your life?"

His eyes narrowed slightly, as if scrutinizing her with suspicion. His response was painful.

"As I do with the rest of the Shinsengumi."

It was straightforward and with pure intent. But that was what stung her. He valued her just as he valued those of the Shinsengumi. She was just as the same level as everyone else.

She shook her head—almost rather hopelessly, then abruptly wondered why she had gone all despondent over a question so trivial.

The biting cold of winter came back.

Halinor discovered that the group was already way ahead, and so she hastened to catch up with them in order not to get lost, but the effort she exerted to do so wasted not much energy, given that there were way too few people at night.

She blinked. It was already nightfall? The realization was so fresh that she had forgotten one particular event that would scar her for the rest of her days.

An explosion came by.

"What… what was that?" one of them exclaimed. Halinor turned her head to the man's direction, approximately making a pact with her stupidity that she'd hit her head later—simply for not recalling that those of the ancient times knew little about cannons and explosions.

Meanwhile, they never encountered such an incident before. Halinor did, but at least not in this world. Her mind was suddenly troubled of the things to come. She felt a warm hand wrap firmly around her wrist. And, sensing the familiarity in the touch, gazed into Yamazaki's narrowed eyes.

"Halinor-san, let us tell Hijikata-san about this," he said.

She widened her eyes. Her head turned to the rest of the group then back at him. She could hear Okita Souji insisting, "Chizuru-chan, run away!"

Swords against long-range attacks wouldn't be a fair match. Surely, they need a hand from someone like her, but Yamazaki's grip on her was tight. The stronger her protest, the firmer his hold became.

"Stay."

His voice was dulled by another explosion. But she heard it clearly.

"What…?"

"Stay with me. First."

Halinor's eyebrows knitted with intermixed bewilderment and worry. "Why?" She swallowed. "Why me?"

Yamazaki transfixed his attention on her—almost with a longing so strong—that he had to trail his eyes down, until they landed on her lips.

He let out an agonized sigh.

"We need you to protect Kondou-san and Hijikata-san. Please."

His answer made the ends of her lips tremble, and then she somehow managed to curl them up into a smile—something which reflected of her doubt that the capital they lived in would last longer.

Yet they still held on to what they have, to protect what was theirs. It pained her.

It pained her to see him like this.

The next thing she realized, her legs were in a great heap of energy to compete against the ticking of time. The foes they had to encounter were definitely at an advantage. She couldn't use her wings to take flight above, considering that a countless number of them shot cannons into the air. Alongside with those were insane distributions of gunshots. It was not that she was to set up a flaming haze all around as well. It'll only add much more damage compared to those done by their enemies. Engulfing the city into a blinding fire just to burn their adversities was not something she had in mind.

Halinor glimpsed at her sole companion who was at the same state as she was. He was more than concerned about the well-being of his leaders. That was what she had observed. No one else.

"Halinor-san! Yamazaki-san!" Chizuru panted from behind. Halinor slowed down for the brown-headed girl's convenience.

"Chizuru, are you all right?" she inquired. As expected, she earned a careless nod from Yukimura.

"Okita-san, Shinpachi-san, and Harada-san—they're—"

"They're strong enough, Yukimura-san," Yamazaki suddenly interrupted, his eyes straight ahead and his pace not slowing down at any rate.

"Eh…"

The way he behaved now didn't strike the blonde as bizarre. She had the inkling that Souji and the others wanted Yamazaki to double-check on the safety of Kondou and Hijikata first. Without even exchanging words, they knew how to deal with each other. It was like an automated system. They were merely subordinates; they were not to function, if not at least appropriately, without their leaders.

Would that sole belief stay the same?

They seem to stand so strong with their warrior-filled spirits. But—that kind of livelihood seemed so long ago now. People at the present times would scoff at the Shinsengumi. Really. Because right now, those living in her world are way too fickle-minded already. Eras passed and brought about changes.

Ancient Japan would never be the same again. The Shinsengumi, pained at the inevitable transition of events, fought to protect the days they'd still desire to have.

They know about this. But they don't want to accept it. They have to one day.

When and where they'd be able to do so was the question.

"Yamazaki… would you like things to change?" she asked, unfazed by the growing exhaustion at the continuous running.

He heard this question—just a few peaceful minutes ago. He played along. His eyes were still straight ahead.

"… What do you mean, Halinor-san?"

"You heard about our world." Her brows furrowed slightly. "Would you rather not be here?"

There was an explosion just a few feet behind them. Chizuru yelped.

He didn't look to see the source of the attack. "There's no other place I'd rather be."

Then she felt the biting cold of the winter breeze. It stung her like mirror shards—this time, they wound their way into her heart.

This world is a temporary place. Pretty soon, she has to leave.

Because of the things that'll soon come to pass—it was in a state of lacrimosa.

And it still will be.

That was what she had observed.

_"This place—it's dangerous," she frankly stated._

_Yamazaki nodded sagely. "But that is what makes it quite beautiful." He shook his head and added, "No—not even that alone—in fact, way too beautiful to be left behind; to protect this home of mine, it is something I have come to live for."_


End file.
